


Back to December

by puckp95



Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: M/M, pine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:53:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27065941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puckp95/pseuds/puckp95
Summary: Based on Taylor Swift's Back to December.Charles has always believed that he is not meant for relationships. On his sister's engagement he meets Erik, who sweeps him off his feet. They fall in love, but old insecurities make Charles break up with him.A story of falling in love, breaking up and getting back together.
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Comments: 7
Kudos: 11





	Back to December

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!! Was listening to Back to December on loop, and I realised it is still October! How are we in October, it was March like a month back. Anyway, enjoy!!!
> 
> I love pining, I can't help it.

Charles had been standing outside Erik’s apartment for the past twenty five minutes, and it was getting rather absurd. The bright summer sun was well on its way to setting, bathing the hallway in long morose shadows. He stood there fidgeting, meaning to knock at the door but unable to muster up the courage to actually do it. Sweat was beading up on his forehead and was trickling down his back as he stood in the heat. It was impossible to knock, but it was equally impossible to walk away.

This was ridiculous, people passing him by in the hallway were giving him strange looks now. What was the worst that could happen, he comforted himself as he finally knocked at the door . It wasn’t like he could fuck this up anymore, he reasoned sensibly and instantly winced. His heart thudding away in his chest, he tried to arrange his features into some semblance of composure. Fuck.

X

He had met Erik at Raven’s engagement party last spring. Charles had been lost from the start. Erik with his quiet passion and intelligence, his dry wit and his decisiveness. They had never managed to escape each other’s orbit since then. The rest of the summer had been a haze of dinners, chest matches, arguments and long meandering discussions that if allowed ran for hours and hours. Charles found himself drawn into the Lehnsherr’s family circle. Many weekends were spent cozily in Edie’s kitchen, laughing and reveling in the kind of warmth that Charles had always been deprived of at his own house. 

Erik had somehow managed to weave himself into the rhythm of Charles’s life. Therefore it did not come as a surprise to him, when on one cold autumn day he realised he was in love with Erik Lehnsherr. They had been sitting together drinking coffee in the park, the leaves falling around them in a riot of colours. The warm glow of the evening light sculpted Erik’s face, softening it and making him unbearably beautiful. Erik had looked up at him in askance only to stop when he saw whatever he did on Charles’s face. He had smiled so gently as he had raised his hand to cup Charles’s cheek and draw him in, eyes alit with emotion. Charles unable to help himself had drawn forward and kissed him. It was love, a part of him sang.  
Charles lost himself to the strong ebb and flow of the kiss, tasting Erik on his tongue, moaning at the slick press of his lips against his, breathing in Erik’s familiar scent intermingling with the sharp smell of autumn and never wanting to part. 

It was love, a part of Charles despaired. Around them, the leaves continued to fall.

What followed was a month of exquisite pain and happiness. Erik was everywhere, his scent was on the pillow and on the sheets when Charles woke up in the morning. It was the taste of the breakfast and coffee Erik made for him, because Charles couldn’t cook to save himself and was perpetually late for everything. It was the smell of Erik’s detergent that softly suffused all of his clothes and it was the sound of Erik’s ridiculous classical music playing in the car and in the house because Charles hardly cared either way. 

All his friends knew Erik and he knew all of Erik’s. Charles resented the nights he spent alone in his apartment, although he had always lived alone. The ache of dissatisfaction and loneliness had a name now, it was absence. It was Erik’s absence. He was addicted to the sweet intimacies that became part of his daily routine that he shared with his lover, his partner, his best friend. It was intoxicating, it was terrifying.

It was a grey December afternoon. Erik way away on a conference for Stark industries. He was due home in two days, it seemed a lifetime away. Charles had sat in the empty kitchen, nursing a cup of tea and listlessly scrolling through his phone. Erik was meant to have called him two hours ago. He was worried and he was annoyed. As he looked out at the drab misty sky, old doubts started to rear their heads again. Did Erik not love him anymore, why did he love Charles in the first place. Even his own mother had not loved him. Then there was Shaw, and there were others. Charles was always too much, always too smart, too arrogant, too spoilt, too needy. Charles could feel the fear clogging his throat, why did he think Erik would be any different. He had allowed himself to be swept away as he never allowed himself to, what was he doing. He was risking everything. It had only been a day since Erik had left and Charles missed him, like he hadn’t thought possible. What was wrong with him. 

When Erik had returned, there had been a wall between them. Charles held himself at a distance, both terrified and frustrated. Reaching out was difficult, but the hurt on Erik’s face each time he drew away was impossible. 

A week before Christmas, they were having these ridiculous fights they had nowadays. Charles couldn’t for the life of him recollect what set them off. Erik had been so frustrated, he had finally shouted, 

“What is it Charles, what is your problem. I can’t do this anymore. Unless you tell me what’s wrong, we can’t do anything!”

Charles had looked at him dumbly, sinking but also relieved at the rightness of the trajectory. They would always reach here.

“Say something damnit” Erik looked at him with anger, “I love you, but this is not working out”

Charles had only looked at him, carefully placing the mug in his hand on the table, it felt like falling. 

“Charles?” Erik said more softly, but still urgently, “talk to me liebling” 

“I don’t love you anymore” Charles managed to say and flinched away from Erik’s struck expression. 

“This was a mistake Erik, we rushed into things too fast. And now we have made a mess of it” he continued, staring into the contents of his cup. Not able to look up.

The room had been silent, and when Charles finally managed to look at Erik, the man was staring at him shocked, the rims of eyes stained red.

“I did not know you felt like that” Erik said, his voice rough, moving to pick up his car keys from the kitchen table. 

And before Charles could say anything, he was out of the door. Talking the remaining warmth of the room with him.


End file.
